7 Weeks to Goal

Weigh In: down 1.6 pounds

Bravo sharing: I got my sexy back! (an attitude)

Tip I shared: that I made a food flashcard (of a Thanksgiving Dinner) so that I could look at it and tell myself that it's just food. I tend to see the food (in person) and am so awestruck by the sight of it that it throws my "plan of attack" into a curve. I don't want to see and say " stuffing!!" like it's a long lost friend of mine. I may eat stuffing once a year, but I could make it any time I want to on my own.

Right now I could start to salivate just thinking about pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top! That just won't do. Nope. When that certain day comes and I have the option of eating pie, among other delicacies, I want it to feel like just another food choice (not PUMPKIN PIE Oh Baby!!!)

8 Weeks to Goal

up .4 pounds

Was I fooling myself to think that I COULD actually lose all the way through the holidays?

eating challenge this coming week: a big, family, Italian style, pot-luck meal (garlic bread !! and some kind of dessert too!!)

9 Weeks to Goal

Woo Hoo!
lost another 2 pounds EVEN THOUGH we went out to dinner
for our anniversary and I had a piece of yummy carrot cake!
As long as you "have a plan" you can live your life, enjoy food AND continue to lose : )

I set the same personal goals for myself for this new week (Nov. 2 - 8):
track every day
exercise 3 times this week
aim at a 1.5 pound loss

What eating challenges lie ahead for me this week?
a big birthday party and a family reunion

Turn Left on Holiday Lane

WW week #38
Tonight's challenge was to look at what lies ahead as we begin the journey down holiday lane from now until after the first of January, 2011.

OCT
hubby's birthday
our 20th anniversary

NOV
huge birthday party
family reunion
hoedown and pig roast
anniversary get-a-way
Thanksgiving Day (pies and homemade rolls!)

DEC
cookie exchange
Christmas baking
Christmas parties
Christmas Eve
Christmas Day
New Year's Eve

JAN
New Year's Day
family birthday
superbowl party (?)
baby shower for my coming granddaughter


And that's just the events that I KNOW about ... others will pop up ... and of course all the emotions that go along with them.

I'm glad we're planning to stategize together in our weekly WW meetings all the way through!

Even Though

Personal goals this week:
Track everyday
exercise three times
aim at a 1.5 pound loss on the scale EVEN THOUGH .... even though my 20th wedding anniversary is this week.

10 Weeks to Target

Week One goals met (even exceeded) !!
Tracked EVERYday
Exercised three times
Lost 2.8 pounds !!

What I'm Heading Toward

It's near impossible to hit a target that you do not first aim at.

aim (v) point, as for shooting; intend; act of pointing; intention or goal

My personal goals for this week:
track every (EVERY) day
exercise 3 times
aim at a 1.5 pound loss on the scale


My personal short term challenge:
to lose a total of 50 pounds by the first anniversary of the day I joined WW (January 4, 2011) ... l have 11 weeks and 17.4 pounds to go.

Monday, Sept. 20, 2010

Here's what's been happening
Aug. 16 -- down 2.4 pounds, for a total loss of 33.4 pounds
Aug. 23 -- up 3.2 pounds
Aug. 30 -- down 1.2 pounds
Sept. 13 -- up 4 pounds (this was over a two week period)
Sept. 20 -- down 3.4 pounds, for a total loss of 30.8 pounds

I'm not where I want to be, but thankful to be heading back down again. Life got in the way and I struggled to stay focused.

Reality Check

I haven't been tracking what I've been ingesting. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been guarding my thoughts. I haven't been intentional about anything in my life (except to NOT be intentional).
Hmmm .... time for a change.

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1.03.01

Monday, August 23, 2010

Today was quite a day. One I won't soon forget. It started last night with some drama. A great sadness overshadowed this morning and then, I was an eyewitness to an auto accident. As a matter of fact, it happened right in front of me. I stood on the scale this evening feeling hopeful. What a shock to read that I had gained over 3 pounds! Ok, that's the icing on this cake.

Now to look at today's events from another view: The only time I will not experience any drama, will be when I'm dead and gone. Why should it surprise me? How would I know that God can heal a broken heart if I never had one? I witnessed an auto accident, I wasn't in it. No one was killed in it. I prayed for all involved. For whatever reason, they all had a near death experience today. What they decide to do with that knowledge is between them and their maker. I exercised right before I left home for the weigh in (maybe that's why the scale went up?) My leader reminded me that IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT THE RESULTS ON THE SCALE. We're striving for lifestyle/behavioral changes. "You exercised today, Liz!"

Hindsight ... It's Always 20/20

The last day I tracked (wrote down what I ate) was on Sunday, August 1, 2010.

I wonder if I can remember what I ate for over a week ...

One night (was it Friday?) my husband and I got take out from Papa Joe's Fish & Cue. I had a cheeseburger, fries, onion rings and a soda (3/4 diet Coke and 1/4 Coca Cola). **Lesson learned, I don't have to have my own order of fries AND onion rings. I don't like the taste of soda now. It's too sweet. I can say, "No soda" even if it is included in the price (or fill the cup with the soda my husband likes -- let him drink it). **

Saturday night it was pizza, bread sticks, soda, cake and ice cream (the leftovers of which came home with us afterward). ** Lesson learned, don't bring home leftovers of tempting foods. **

Sunday we stopped to eat at a Chinese Food buffet. This had been one of my greatest concerns. I was afraid that I would not be able to "control" myself at a buffet. After several days of uncontrolled eating, I was right. This was one of the occasions where I overate. I filled my plate with items I wanted to eat. Then I went back for more of a few of those. Then I got some dessert and fruit items. Then after sitting and talking for awhile, I felt the NEED to go back and get more of what I (erroneously) thought I would not get to eat again for a loooooooong time. Afterward, I felt too full. If there can be a bright side to that eating occasion, it would be that I hadn't felt that uncomfortable "STUFFED" feeling for a very long time. ** Lesson learned, take a walk around the buffet FIRST before I even pick up a plate. Let the sights awe me first, THEN decide if THAT is what I will choose to eat today. I can eat Chinese Food any day I want to. I don't have to eat it ALL today. **

Bravos

Last week a WW member shared that she is keeping a list of her own "Bravo" achievements.

We are encouraged to share something positive about our week (doesn't have to be food or scale related) at the beginning of our weekly meetings and then we are awarded a "bravo" sticker.

I like the idea of keeping my own running list ... it will help me see that I am INDEED making progress regardless of what the scale says.

Saturday night I left the pizza parlor with a box (BOX!) of leftover pizza to take home after a birthday party. I had already eaten some pizza earlier in the evening, along with drinking soda and having a piece of cake and some ice cream.

I was all alone in my van. I opened the box and ate one piece .. I could have easily eaten the rest of the leftovers before I got home ... and barely remembered that I had done it! I didn't. After that first piece, I closed the box and talked to myself. I told myself that the PIZZA was not what I wanted / needed. Eating more wasn't going to stop (or help) what was happening inside of me.

Bravo, Liz !

Caught in the Act (or Non-action)

It was time. I'm glad that I didn't squeak by this week. There have been weeks when I thought I would gain or at least not lose, but I did lose anyway. At tonight's weigh in there was not a congratulations offered. I knew that the jig was up. No more seeing how close to the line I could get without stepping over it.

The scale said that I was up 1.2 pounds. Not a large gain. Enough for me to take notice of what I've been doing (or not doing) though. I've been eating without thinking. I've eaten when I wasn't hungry. I've over-eaten on at least two occasions. I've emotionally eaten. I haven't limited myself to "just a bite or two" of certain things.

Do I consider myself as "bad"? No. I don't have to follow the Weight Watcher plan for eating. I can continue to carry this weight around. I can gain back what I lost (and then some). It's my choice.

Tonight I was late to the meeting. I chose to go anyway.

I choose to continue on this path. I choose to see it as a JOURNEY (it's not an attempt at perfection). One little change at a time is what I'm making.

Anchoring

The topic at last night's WW meeting -- Out of Control Eating. What does that look like in my life? What can I use to anchor myself (to put a stop to it) when I realize I am in it?

Challenge for this week: Write down WHY I came in the door at Weight Watchers, WHERE do I want to end up on this "weight loss journey?"

I came to Weight Watchers because I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to learn to lose it in a way that I could live with. I also wanted to lose for my family's sake ... to begin to end the obesity in our generations. I wanted to honor God in my body, to take care of this temple He had given me. I believed it could work for me, with His help. I was ready : )

I want to reach my goal weight. I want to maintain it, once I get there. I want to encourage my family that they can do it too. I want to be able to wear smaller clothes (to not shop in the "Plus Size" section any more). I want to be healthy. I want to have energy and stamina. I want to be able to do all the things that the extra weight has hindered me from. I want to be free from the obsession with food. I want to live life (instead of watching from the wings). I want to hike, to dance and to run. I want to be able to buckle every seat belt around me. I want my husband to carry me over the threshold ... to be able to lift me up. I want to sit in any seat without wondering if I would be too heavy for it (would it creak? would it break?) I want to like (to love!) my body when I see it. I want to be in the best shape I have ever been in. I want my weight loss to be a testimony to the victory of God's work in my life. I want to be able to declare what He has done! I want to actually have the wish I so dearly wished for. I thought it was a goal (to lose weight) every year, but it was a wish. A wish is something you think will just "poof!" happen. One day I want to wake up and be able to say, "It really did happen! I did lose the weight!"

Identifying Thoughts

Mondays through Fridays I am babysitting grandchildren. I'm busy from early morning until almost dinner time. I eat when I get a couple of minutes. I don't even think about food until my stomach is growling (which could be a very good thing).

On the flip side, when the last child has left, I find myself wanting to flop down with a TREAT and just veg out for awhile. I sense the need to nurture myself and give myself a (food) pat on the back for making it through another day, which is NOT a good thing.

It's Back

Headed out to do some shopping with my daughter. Hubby told me to look for clothes for myself. Not something I enjoy doing ... looking isn't as bad as the trying on. I used to love shopping for clothes, but that was long ago.

I'd rather do just about anything, than look for clothes for myself now. I enjoy shopping for a new pair of earrings, a purse, housewares or books. Office supplies are exciting, not clothes. Until today ...

Today, I was able to look at clothes in smaller sizes! Today I tried on clothes that were a little too big for me. Today, I was delighted to find a larger selection of clothing in my size.

Today, the joy of shopping for clothes for ME, has returned.

Appropriate or Not

Who determines what is appropriate? I'm not talking about what's good verses what is evil-- what is lawful or what is not .... appropriate is a gray line. There are no absolutes here.

For instance, are public displays of affection appropriate? If so, are there times when they are not appropriate? Is it the location that determines the difference ... or the level of affection displayed? or perhaps it is determined by who is involved in the displaying. Is it a matter of whether it's appropriate to "the public" who see the display? This is just a random example.

I started pondering this question as I reflected on recent questions my adult children had asked me. I was asked if ____ (some event or circumstance) was alright with me. Hmmm ... first of all, I wonder why they are asking me if that particular thing is alright. Does that mean that they thought it may NOT be (not be appropriate) to me?

How did I come to the conclusions that I DO have about what is appropriate and what is not? Again, I'm speaking about gray areas that are not specifically spelled out in Scripture. Those that are taught about, I hold as my beliefs ... but those "gray areas" ...

It's funny how many times I would tell my husband that something he was doing was not appropriate, when we were newlyweds. It's a standing joke between us now. I can even laugh about some of them ... but there are still SOME that we differ in opinion about. What may be inappropriate to (or for) me, is appropriate to (or for) him.

Big Step Forward

Hmmm ...I have allowed people to have control over me by using their anger. It's been quite effective for them. Today I decided that, with God's help, I will not be controlled in that way any longer. What needs to be said will be said .... regardless of what I THINK their reaction may be.

The Rest of the Story

Lest you think I was making too big of a deal out of the pizza and buffalo wings ...this past week, I also ate: 5 beef tacos from Julioberto's, 3 tacos from Del Taco, a single burger from Lenny's with fries (although I don't eat the buns), a root beer float AND some chocolate krispies cereal [not in one sitting!]

Now you can see why I was SHOCKED to have lost one pound : )

You've Come A Long Way Baby

It's official ... I have lost 30 pounds! Wish I could say that I was delighted to receive my third blue ribbon (that says "I lost 10 pounds in Weight Watchers") ...but I was still in shock. Oh it was a good feeling ...just not as good as it could have been : /

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk ...shame on me

Lies, lies, lies! That's what I've been telling myself. Not only telling myself, but believing and acting upon.

For the last two weeks I have gone to my Weight Watchers meeting BELIEVING that I had gained weight. I KNEW that I CERTAINLY had not lost any weight.

Imagine my SHOCK when I was congratulated each week. CONGRATULATED?!! Impossible !!
How could I have LOST weight each of these two weeks?

Shock blocks the feeling of happiness. So not only was I SHOCKED, I was also ROBBED of the joy I should have felt!

Tonight I uncovered the key. I assumed that if I ate out (at a restaurant) or if I ate something that I thought was bad then I assumed that I was bad. If I was BAD then it would show up on the scale. I felt "bad" for days AFTER the "incident" of eating out or eating something I considered a "no-n0."

What I didn't take into consideration was the TRUTH that I can indeed eat at a restaurant and I can eat WHATEVER I WANT TO EAT in moderation. My lifestyle has changed!

Yes, I did go out to eat pizza with my family. I did have some buffalo wings, and drank two cups of soda too. Sound like a "no-no"? That's what I thought. I was disappointed in myself. What I didn't focus on was that I had three SMALL pieces of pizza, five buffalo wings and two glasses of diet root beer. Never in my "former life" would I have limited myself to this. I certainly would not be selecting the SMALLEST pieces of pizza, that's for sure !!

There is no "bad" food in Weight Watchers. There are no "bad" people on this Weight Watcher journey. As a matter of fact, I'm all for banning of the word BAD ....that doesn't mean you're bad if you happen to say it. You are still learning. None of us is perfect : )

Possibilities

I was told by one of my mentors that the first step to change is allowing yourself to imagine the possibility of it happening.

January 1, 2010 I sat with my family around the dining room table and we wrote out our personal goals for the new year. There were several categories. One of them was a physical goal. I took a step of faith and wrote down that I wanted to lose 50 pounds this year.

Blame it on the Birthday

The week after my birthday, my friend, Sandee, took me out to lunch. We had a good time and tried to mind our Weight Watcher points : ) I had half a sandwich and a side salad ...dipping my fork in the dressing instead of pouring it on. I drank water ... then we split a yummy berry eclair. Because we both have birthdays in July, it seemed like that was "a good reason."

Before the Day Was Over

Next, my sister Rose said she had a presentation. She slipped in a DVD she had made. It was a collage of pictures of me growing up, set to music. I don't know why, maybe it was the songs that she chose or just seeing me as a child, but the tears fell down my cheeks (again) as I watched it.

We watched it all the way through once and then watched it later pausing for commentaries by me and family members. That was fun. No one cried that time : )

For dessert we had Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches (a Weight Watcher favorite).

The day was almost over and it had been a wonderful, wonderful day.

When I got home, I sat down and read every note, letter and card. My love tank was full. My family and friends had honored me. I didn't know if I would be able to sleep.

I'm going to enjoy being 50!

Feeling the Love

When the last item was delivered and all the children were seated on the floor, all eyes were on me. Emily came back in and had a note in her hand. She said that she was told to read it aloud. As she read I wondered who had written it. The author had mentioned my pretty fingers and toes. Hmmm, who would know about that? Then she read the line that told me it was from my dear husband, Bob.

Everyone oooed and ahhhed. It contained a lot of emotion and loving words. It meant much more to me because I know that he has a hard time putting down on paper how he feels. Love notes do not come easy for him.

I started to open some of the letters. Many of them were e-mails that had been sent to Emily, per her request, and she had printed them out for me. As I would look to see the name at the bottom of the message, I would again get choked up. I read one or two aloud and then I had to stop. I couldn't get through anymore.

My grandson, Anthony, said he would read his card to me. It was a humorous card and we all laughed. Then two or three other grandchildren read their handmade cards aloud. They were very sweet and made me smile. Next my dad, who is 75 years old, said he would read his card to me. He started out and had our attention, then he got choked up and couldn't read. We all needed kleenex after that.

The Celebration Continues

We were the first guests to arrive at my daughter, Emily's, house. Her two boys were outside playing soccer. I stayed outside and watched them. As others arrived, the children gathered in the grass and took turns trying to make goals. My mom told the kids that their grandmother (me) had played soccer too. They were amazed ... or maybe shocked : )

When everyone had gathered in the house we played a game of trivia. Then Emily called all the children out of the room. Next thing I knew, they were singing "When I turned 50 somebody touched me, when I turned 50, somebody touched me, when I turned 50 somebody touched me, it must have been the hand of the Lord." As they sang. they came in one-by-one and brought a letter, a note or a card and laid it on my lap. Then they went out and came back in with another. This continued for many verses. The adults in the living room joined in with the singing too. I started to notice that some of the cards had come in the mail. I recognized some of the return addresses and before I knew it I was choked up and got teary eyed. There were so many of them!

Dinner on the Table

Emily, the party planner in the bunch, had given my hubby instructions to have dinner ready for me when I got home. He had gone to Boston Market and brought back a delicious meal.

Bob, Julianne and I sat down to eat.

I was told that we were to be at Emily's house at 7:30 PM.

Treasure Hunting

All the girls went on an afternoon shopping spree. We had one male with us, Carlos, who is 3. He was a great little shopper and kept us laughing with his precious personality.

At one point we detoured through McDonald's drive-thru to get iced coffees. I drove my van and my sister drove my mom's van. We continued on until we had all had enough and our bags of goodies filled the back ends of both vans.

Weary and needed some rest we scattered to our own homes.

Birthday Brunch

My family (my parents, siblings, daughters and grandchildren) were waiting for us when we arrived at Mimi's Cafe. They were already seated at a table for 20. I sat in the middle of the table and enjoyed conversing with everyone. My grandson, Vincent, sat on one side of me and my husband sat on the other side.

I had ordered an orange juice, but after one sip I knew it would not be good for me to drink on an empty stomach. I asked the waiter to exchange it for apple juice. He thought he had made a mistake and brought back the apple juice in a large pilsner glass (the kind beer or perhaps a parfait are served in). Everyone teased me about drinking early in the day : )

Those of us following Weight Watchers talked about what we would order. I had the egg white omelet with a low fat blueberry muffin. Mmmm, mmm! The muffin was delicious. They serve the muffin first and all my hungry grandchildren were watching it arrive. I cut it up and shared it with all of them. I didn't even miss what I gave away.

After we ate, out came some presents. The first one was from Isabele. She is 5 and was so excited to give me the gift she had made for me. It was a beautiful beaded necklace. She said she had worked very hard on it : ) I put it on and wore it all day.

Next came a gift bag from my parents that contained, among other things, a wallet on a shoulder strap (I'm sure there is a proper name for them). It was leather and contained cash inside. My sister gave me a card that also included cash. My daughter, Emily, handed me some more cash before we left the restaurant. It (the cash) was for our afternoon adventure !

The waiter returned with a birthday surprise ... a huge piece of chocolate pie with lots of whipped cream on top. My family sang happy birthday to me and I decided to take a small bite then pass the pie around. Everyone who wanted to, got a bite of it.

I am very thankful that I'm no longer obsessed with food like I used to be. In the past I wouldn't have even thought of sharing my muffin or my pie with anyone else. On this day, it was actually freeing to let it go!

At one point during the brunch I took several of the kids to the bathroom. They got to giggling and talking so loud (plus it was echoing) I tried to shush them and thought people would be looking at us when we came out. Many eyes did turn toward us. One lady spoke up and said they were all so cute. I told her they were my grandchildren. She said I was very lucky. That I am.... blessed, that is.

Finishing Touches

My daughter, Emily, arrived at my house on Saturday morning. She gave me a refreshing facial and then opened her Mary Kay color book (full of samples) and we picked out my make-up for the day. We finished just in time to leave for the first stop on my birthday.

Getting Pampered

Nicole and I both had pedicures. We sat side by side in our massaging chairs. We had the works done to our feet and legs. It was the first time I had sea salt added and also the hot stones applied. I could get used to this! I was delighted to have my odd toenail cut down and reshaped so that it looked just like a regular toenail. We chose the same color of polish and both had a decorative flower added to our big toes : )

For our manicures we were split up. Mine was started first. I didn't expect to have my arms massaged as well (and for quite a long time). Ahhh, I was very relaxed and felt like a princess by the time we left. All I needed were some pretty glass slippers.

Happy Birthday Eve

Interestingly, I wasn't dreading turning another decade older ... even if this was going to be the BIG "5 -0." My family was determined to celebrate it to the hilt. They talked it up for months and made secretive plans.

Friday, July 2, I received my first acknowledgment. My brother wished me an early happy birthday via Facebook and told me that the fireworks this year were celebrating our country AND me. How sweet : )

My daughter, Nicole, treated me to a manicure and a pedicure on Friday night.

Made Me Smile

This morning I remembered a motto I read (I think it was on the Vita Tops website) "No Ifs, Ands ... But Smaller Butts!"

Life Goes On Around Me

It's 12:14 AM. My son and his girlfriend are baking a cake in the kitchen. I can smell it now. Time to go to bed and apply the Vicks under my nose!

Honesty

It's time for me to bring this to the light. I've been experiencing eating binges at night for several nights in a row. Not a good thing and I don't want to "cover it up" any longer.

WHY I've had the restless sensations and tried to eat them away is a mystery to me right now. I intend to take time to journal my thoughts and emotions over the last few days (if I can remember them all : )

I refuse to drop off this journey I've been on. I am reminded that this is not a sprint, it's a marathon. There will be days like this ... I shouldn't be surprised. And I will not allow myself to feel ashamed.

It is not really about the food. It is more about my thoughts and ignoring my emotions. Ugh ... funny, how thoughts and emotions can present more of an obstacle to me than the actual food. I never would have believed it.

Winners and Losers

Next short term goal ... to pass the 30 pounds lost mark. Weight Watchers awards a blue ribbon for each 10 pounds members lose. I expect to have more than 10 before I'm through.

When I was a kid I was not athletically inclined. I don't have a collection of ribbons from various sports I participated in. I can remember how devastating it was for me when our junior high PE classes competed in track and field events. The worst one had to be the long distance run. It was bad enough that I would come in last but all the kids would be standing along the final stretch and they would call out very cruel remarks as I huffed and puffed along. Even my PE teacher was not an encourager to me. She didn't pull for the underdog ... kids like me.

Not so in Weight Watchers! You are NOT in competition with ANYONE else. You are NOT shamed or ridiculed, ever! Each week I am greeted with smiles, encouraging and compassionate remarks.

Whoever came up with the little chant "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" must have been born with natural athletic abilities or a hyper metabolism (one who could eat whatever they wanted and not gain excess weight).

Hmmmm ... didn't even know that all that was pushed down deep inside me.

I'm a firm believer in journaling.

To Him Be The Glory !

It was weigh in time tonight ... so excited to have hit my goal ! I received my key chain from Weight Watchers for losing 10% of my weight! Very cool to be to the point where reaching a goal is more important to me than eating any old thing that I get a hankering for.

It's not by any of my efforts. It's all G-d and His marvelous work IN me : ) I'm being remodeled from the inside out!

Mind Your Thoughts

Disappointed ... that's how I felt on Monday. I had started out the week before with the hope that I would lose one pound and achieve the goal of having lost 10 percent of my starting weight. After this weekend I assumed I had not done it.

I was disappointed in myself. Disappointment, left unattended, drops into depression. Depression is where I lose hope. I think that I CAN'T continue on this path, that I will NEVER lose the weight, that I will NEVER change, that I am a failure, that there is NO HOPE.

One small phrase, spoken unknowingly ... turned my thinking around. I was talking to my brother on Monday. I told him that I was disappointed with myself and he said, "Well, I'M NOT disappointed in you." Then went on to say that he knew how hard it is to lose weight. He reminded me that he is also watching his weight. He has his struggles too. He encouraged me that we all have times where we are going to "just need to eat" and that it's OK. We can do it and not beat ourselves up about it.

He ate pizza, wings, apple pie and ice cream the day before for his birthday. He said that he wanted to and did.

My thought patterns are a HUGE piece of this journey toward good health. As I am learning to choose what I put into my mouth, I must also choose what thoughts I allow to stay in my head.

Back Tracking Observations

This is why I value journaling ... remembering and listing all that I experienced this weekend revealed that I was very distracted! It wasn't just one circumstance or one event, it was several. No wonder I felt lost.

Observations:

• I jump to "worst case scenario" instead of choosing to think positively
• My anxious thoughts cause myself unrest and a loss of my serenity
• As soon as I feel something strongly (no matter what the emotion) I want to stop right there and journal about it. I want to look at it from all angles and see if I am having thinking errors. For instance, I assumed that my brother was "missing" for a bad reason. I still don't know where he was or why he didn't come to take my parents to the airport. That is his personal business, but I am now aware of how I immediately jump to the worse thoughts.
  
• When I was anxious, (and as I let them grow unattended) I lost my focus and I ate to comfort myself.
• I was feeling depressed over disappointing myself (concerning the unfocused eating).
  
• I also told myself that I should have gone to the 90th birthday party (and let myself dwell in those thoughts) when the truth was that I could not afford to go. That is the reason I did not go. My financial situation had not changed no matter who all of my relatives went. I don't love my grandmother less because I didn't go.
  

Back Tracking

Just coming out of several days of being lost ... lost where, I don't know ...

It's important for me to try to figure out why or where I lost my focus. Let's backtrack

• I got a text from one of our adult children who wanted to meet with hubby and I. The topic would be the sharing of their inner feelings about our relationship.
• I was not able to attend my grandmother's 90th birthday party out of state, due to a lack of finances. I thought I had accepted the fact that I would miss it, but THIS was the weekend of the party and I discovered more and more of my relatives made the trek out east and I succumbed to sadness that I wasn't there too.
  
• My brother was not home to take my parents to the airport, so I took them (which was not a problem) but no one knew where he was and they were very surprised that he was "gone." They had expected him to take them.
  
• Since my brother was not at home, I was asked to care for the plants and pick up the mail
  (again, not a problem) except that I was doing it because no one knew where my brother was and why he was "missing."
  
• I received twelve consecutive calls from the medical center where my family receives our health care, one evening. The medical center is also a hospital, trauma and ER center. We were not at home and a message was not left. I called all of my adult children that live in our area, to make sure that they and their children were OK.
  
• I wondered if it could be a medical emergency concerning my brother. I called the switchboard. He was not a patient on the admission list. I was transferred to the ER. I was told that no patient in there had made multiple calls and they were not calling to try to reach a family member.
  
• The next day, the same thing happened. Twelve consecutive calls came in. I got home minutes after the last call came. I sat and waited to see if another call would come. It did. It was an automated call reminding me of an upcoming appointment! My husband said I should be much relieved now, but I wasn't. I was glad to know no one was having an emergency but I had already exerted so much concern over the "possibilities" that I did not immediately feel relief.
• I did not go to water plants and pick up the mail on Saturday and felt guilty about it. On Sunday, I was determined to go. That afternoon, before I left home, my husband told me to call and just see if my brother happened to be there. I did, and he was. I had the same reaction as I had with the phone calls. I was glad that he was alive and well, but I did not have immediate relief, even though he said he had watered the plants yesterday and had gotten the mail.
  
• I was very surprised to find out that two of my cousins surprised everyone and flew out for my grandmother's birthday party. That made me even sadder that I hadn't gone.
  
  

Not Going There ...

I attend Weight Watcher meetings on Monday evenings.
I didn't go today. Hubby asked me not to go. Our finances are in a critical condition right now.

I'm participating in a book sale this weekend. I hope the proceeds of the sale will ensure that I can continue to attend the Weight Watcher meetings : )

I'm making a point of choosing NOT to think anxious thoughts of the opposite.

Reasons For Freaking Out

Speaking of freaking out, guess I need to say that we're no longer going on late night walks together. On our last one, we were told by one of the "regulars" that we'd see in the park, that we needed to be careful because he and his friend had encountered a couple of guys a few nights before. One of the guys had a knife and waved it in their faces. They said there was a third male who waited in the dark behind trees to jump out at passer-bys.

That's all I needed to hear! I was in a major freaking out mode. I wanted to instantly be at home, but we still had to make our way back through the dark park to get home. After that night we haven't walked again.

On a side note, I developed a "skin fungus" (or so the Dr thought it was). He said probably from perspiring a lot. Well, I am sweating more and more with my workouts at home. So if I had to get something, I guess that's a good thing to get (for a good reason that is). Just so you won't have your own "freak out" let me share with you what my symptom was .... I had what looked like hickeys on parts of my body that I KNEW that I didn't have a hickey on. Now if you, or your dear spouse should get them, imagine the freak out that COULD happen if you didn't know that it can be a symptom of a skin fungus. Who knew?

Freaking Out

It's been two weeks since I last weighed in (due to Memorial Day holiday). I was hopeful for a loss and thought that a couple of pounds would be a great pleasure. Imagine my surprise when my leader smiled a big smile and told me I was about to freak out, but that it would be a good freak out.

I know HOW to freak out. I've done it many a time, mostly for "not so good" things. I can exhibit a good "Woo Hoo" freak out, if need be. Well, I was blown away when she told me I had lost 5.4 pounds!

Wow! The rest didn't even register to me (I was busy freaking out). She told me that I had hit the "25 pounds lost" mark (actually exceeded it) and that I am very close to having lost 10% of my starting weight.

Weight Watchers awards charms for different milestones. I received my first one tonight for losing 25 pounds. I'm so very happy! I am feeling wonderful. I am feeling "thin" (even though I have a long way to go still). It's amazing! If I look at each day (I've been through) it has been hard, but when I glance back and see where I am at NOW, I have to say it's been incredibly easy! It has been God at work inside of me and the evidence is showing on the outside. To HIM and HIM alone goes all the praise and glory for what HE has done in me.

Yippee

Made it to the 20 pounds lost mark! You are given an "I LOST 10 POUNDS" ribbon from Weight Watchers for every ten you lose. Little rewards motivate me : )

Every week at our WW meeting, our fearless leader, asks what we want to brag about whether it be a food victory or anything else. I think of at least one thing to share every week (whether the scale goes down or not). It's amazing to me the "little" and "big" changes I've been making already.

One area that seems to trip me up is the weekend. Before I know it, it's here and we are "off schedule," and life seems a bit "out of control." I am thankful for the Monday night weigh-ins to get my mind back to task.

"FOCUS" is my motto. Life keeps getting in the way, and off I go on a tangent. Lately, I've been working on decluttering instead of eating when I've felt that old familiar restlessness deep inside.

Changing Thoughts

Ookie ... the feeling you had before walking into a Weight Watcher's meeting ...

This was the topic for one of our discussions at a weekly meeting. No matter what our history is, we all had at least one "ookie" moment (and often countless others).

One of my ookie moments was when my best friend from school asked me to be her matron of honor. I was at my heaviest (at that time) weight and I was very self conscience about it.

Another ookie moment was realizing that I may need to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane.

We're not to dwell in the ookiness ... but were challenged to turn our thoughts to what we're dreaming about or looking forward to. What do we want to do (that we couldn't or THOUGHT we couldn't do with the extra weight on).

I am looking forward to being able to shop in "regular" clothing stores (and "regular" sized departments).

I am looking forward to being more active ... being able to keep up with my grandchildren!

I am looking forward to a whole new wardrobe !!

I am looking forward to not hiding from the camera (and having a family portrait done !! ) AND sending a photo with our Christmas cards !!

I'd like to participate ..... (do I dare say it?!) ... in a 5K event.

Still on track

Quick update

Weight loss to date 18.8 pounds. I've been inching my way to the 20 pound mark (some weeks I've gained a little, some lost a little and other maintained).

I'm still riding the exercise bike 4-5 days a week, using resistance bands and a dumbell for working out my arms and upper body and have added a daily walk too. I'm EXTREMELY grateful to my daughter and husband who are walking everyday with me. We are doing this as a team (the walking) and it's been so good for all of us!

Have marked improvement in my sleep!! I'm taking a medication to help make me drowsy (but a very low dose) and am going TO bed much, much earlier than I have for the past couple of years. Getting more sleep has done WONDERS for my life (mood, outlook, energy, quality, etc ...)

To God be the glory for what HE has done in me !!

p/s I'm not up all night anymore, so I'm not on the computer for as long as I used to be. I"m busy living my life : )

Time to do some catching up

Last night's weigh in: down 3.8 pounds. Total lost to date: 18.2 pounds. I received my "Sixteen Week" charm from Weight Watchers last night too! It's applauding hands (very nice) because actually sticking with it for 16 consecutive weeks is to be commended. Feeling good about it all and don't plan to stop.

I've been taking a new (different for me) medication to help me fall asleep. The results have been favorable. I AM falling asleep. I'm still waking up, though, but can usually fall back asleep pretty easily. The "sleep hangover" (feeling sleepy the next day) is not as extreme as other medications I have taken in the past. I have been taking this medication for approx. 3 weeks.

My exercise of choice continues to be the exercise bike. I have added some resistance band/hand bell arm workouts as well.

I am processing a lot of "mind clutter" by journaling, list making and thought mapping. It has been good therapy (and quite eye opening at times).

Bummer!

It's not working : (

When I'm too tired, I don't do more.

Aha!

You may have already been thinking this .... but it just came to me:

I need to DO more in my "awake" times so that I'm ready to sleep when I want to sleep. Soooo, I will be pressing through the hard part of getting up when I want to sleep more (in the daytime) and try to "force" myself to do more :)

I've cut myself back on just about all outside activities. I don't even scrapbook anymore : ( I haven't been to church on a Sunday morning in I don't know how long ... well, that is about to change !!

Stay tuned ...

Singing to the Lord

"For Thou, O LORD, hast made me glad by what Thou hast done, I will sing for joy at the works of Thy hands." Psalm 92:4

You, O LORD, have given me joy in exercise!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Tomorrow will start my 9th week on Weight Watchers. I've been plugging along, following the program and leaving my results to God.

What a surprise to discover that I lost 3.6 pounds this past week (for a total of 12 pounds) ! To God be the glory for what HE has done!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Water, water, water

I hadn't been drinking as much as I thought I was. I gauge myself by having to RUN to the bathroom throughout the day. That's how I know I'm getting enough : )

And amazingly (or not) the more water I drink the better my bowels move. Woo Hoo! I'm at the age where that is something to celebrate : )

I have a large Weight Watcher (32 oz) cup that I drink from thoughout the day. As soon as I empty it, I fill it up again. When I leave home, I take a water bottle with me. I can't take it for granted. Have to intentionally THINK about drinking water.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Tonight Bob took me out to eat. I thumbed through the Weight Watcher's Dining Out book to preview the menu selections BEFORE we even left home. I knew what I was going to order before we were seated at the restaurant. What a relief !

We ate at Chili's and I ordered the Guiltless Grilled Salmon ....yum!! Bob and I couldn't stop taking about how good the food tasted and how much we enjoyed the steamed veggies! They were scrumptous without any butter on them !! We both ordered a salad as an appetizer and thought it was one of the best salads we had ever tasted!

It's as if I am tasting food for the very first time!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I was chatting online with my dear friend just before I was about to ride my exercise bike. I challenged her to get on her treadmill and then come back to chat afterward. She took the challenge and off we went to exercise.

Time seemed to fly by as I thought about her walking while I was pedaling. In the days to follow we'd check in with each other and report whether or not we had exercised yet. I really enjoyed this special week we had together (even though we were miles apart) and the accountability it provided knowing that she'd be asking me if I had exercised that day.

Thanks L ; )

Saturday, February 13, 2010

My daughter, Emily, is reading The Weight Loss Cure by Kevin Trudeau. I bought a copy of it for myself today. Interesting read!

From this book I am implementing the following things: eating 2 apples and 2 grapefruit every day (or at least aiming at the goal). I plan to add more of his tips as I am able. For now, the added fruit (and fiber) are benefitting me : )

Tuesday, January 9, 2010

Ccntemplating this Scripture verse today


Worry weighs a person down ... Proverbs 12:25a [NLT]


What am I holding onto and not giving over to God?

Statistics

Tonight's weigh in results: up .2

This is the first week it's gone up. The Lord had prepared me ahead of time. When I gave the results over to Him, this weigh in didn't affect me. I have to admit that if it would have been a substancial loss instead, I would have been affected !

Loss to date: 7.6 pounds

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Feeling great and doing well. I don't feel deprived in any way. As a matter of fact I haven't even had any cravings for fast food at all : ) As long as I don't allow myself to get too hungry, all is well.

Challenged myself to earn 10 activity points this week and to gather some positive affirmations.

I'm learning that the closer I draw to the Lord, the less "power" food has over me. I'm participating in a Bible Study, through my church, at this time too. It's called "I Saw the Lord" by Anne Graham Lotz. Wow! Perfect timing! Not mine ... His. He knew what I needed, and He has provided for me. Feeling blessed beyond measure.

January 29, 2010

Wrote out this prayer today:

"I give You my body to do with what You will. Take it and use it for Your purposes and for Your glory. Any weight loss or not, I give to You. You are the Creator of and the Potter who molds me. The results are in Your hands."


Whether I lose a pound or not, I want my heart to be transformed. Coming to this place has made a huge difference in how I see this journey I'm on.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I was looking forward to this week's weigh in. Thought I'd make it to 10 pounds lost (at least!) I just felt thinner : ) and I had ridden the exercise bike 5 times this week !!

The scale said that I was down .4

I was disappointed. I asked our group leader if that was "normal" (to have a big first week then to have very low numbers the next two weeks). She assured me that it was and told me not to let myself get depressed about it. She told me that my body was adjusting. She said once it did, the "norm" was to lose 1-2 pounds a week.

OK body, be warned. I am not giving up or giving in. We're in this for the long haul. You can cry and moan all you want when I get on that exercise bike. You can even whisper, "tomorrow" or "later" but this is the year of" no ifs and smaller butts !!"

Week Three -- Mid Week

Week two weigh in ... down .6
That brings my two week loss to SEVEN POUNDS.

I'm tracking my points every day without any problem. Started riding the exercise bike on a more regular basis. I've ridden it first thing in the morning the last two days.

Foods I've been tempted to overeat: Veggie Straw (love them!), Vitatops (muffin tops) and skinny cow ice cream sandwiches.

I haven't gone over my allotted points, and for this I am thankful to God ... for His strength.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Left home in a hurry today to go watch two of my grandsons play soccer. I didn't eat breakfast before I left home.

Stopped at a Goodwill store (today was 50% off everything!) to look around, on the way home.
I knew I was approaching the danger zone on my way home because I was noticing all the fast food places. When I have eaten recently and am satisfied, I'm not as aware of them.

Planned to cook up some lean hamburger patties for the whole family. As soon as I got them in the oven, I prepared a plate of raw veggies and hommus for myself. Had to get myself under hunger control. It worked : )

Watched the Cardinal's game with Bob as we ate our burgers. I noticed that he continued to snack and nibble afterward. I finally told him that I would have to go watch the game in our bedroom because I couldn't handle his continual munching. Watching TV seems to have that affect on me too. Makes me want to eat something crunchy and / or salty.

I rode the exercise bike for 30 ninutes this evening. I was tempted to cut the ride short about halfway through, but didn't. I'm glad, it feels really good to have ridden !!

I noticed a marked difference in the way I felt when I have not taken the apple cider vinegar on a regular basis. It's also a good way to tell my body that my meal is over ... nothing seems appealing with that "delightful" taste in your mouth : )

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Since I know I will continue to track every point I eat this week, I decided to challenge myself with the goal of riding the exercise bike everyday, Tuesday through Saturday.

I didn't ride it yesterday. I HAD to get on it today. I'm so thankful that my little ipod is up and running now : ) Time just flies by as I listen to the music.

Today I am struggling to get all my points eaten (I still have 2.5 more to go as I'm writing this).

Weight Watchers, week one weigh in

Tonight I found out that I had .... lost 6.4 pounds! I was shocked! I was awarded my "5" sticker and couldn't be happier!

Hoopla and kuddos are right up my alley. Bring them on ! Can't wait to get a ribbon for losing 10 pounds !

My daughter and I together lost 10 pounds this week. My mother and sister also lost. Just like we were told: This program works, if you just do it.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Today I took some yogurt and a rice cake to church with me to eat while we sat in the coffee shop. I purposely brought a baby spoon to eat the yogurt. It accomplished what I had intended for it to do. I ate the yogurt very slowly. As a matter of fact, it seemed to take forever for me to eat that yogurt ... a little bite here, a tiny bite there.

Another day caffeine free! I'm an apple cider vinegar believer!!

This afternoon, as I was watching the exciting Cardinal's game, I had a strong desire to snack on something crunchy. Hubby was popping his peanuts; I was relieved to have Jolly Time popcorn in the pantry! Just one point for a whole bag (94% fat free).

Stocked up on more of the frozen Amy's Bowls at Sprouts. The good price of 2 for $7.00 was over, but they were still cheaper than buying them at Fry's. My daughter and I especially like the Enchilada Bowl !!

Rode the exercise bicycle for 30 minutes while watching TV this evening.

I'm exctied to return to our Weight Watcher's meeting tomorrow night and get weighed in!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Today I had to make a trip to the grocery store to get more of our new staple items : ) We found some light whole grain English muffins that we like and also some light 9 grain bread. Got to have the Skinny Cow Ice Cream sandwiches (just 2 points !) I am drinking soy or almond milk; had to get more of that as well.

I HAVE NOT had to drink coffee this whole week !! That is amazing in itself! I don't know if it's the apple cider vinegar I'm ingesting 2-3 times a day or that I'm not overeating or what? It's certainly not because I'm getting more sleep ... sadly, there's not much of a change in that area yet.

I made a concoction for Bob and I to eat together today. Concoction is what I call anything I make up as I go along. It has this and that in it. He said he liked it. I did too. The problem with concoctions is that they are hard to remake!

This evening we were out running errands and it occured to me that we would not be stopping to get something to eat or drink (yeah!) ... so what are we going to do with all that money we're saving?? It's exciting to think about the future and what new things we can do as a family (that doesn't involve eating out) because that was one of our main things we'd do together.

We talked about going to a theatre to see a movie this weekend. My husband said he MUST have popcorn and a soda to watch a movie in the theatre. I'm a tad bit afraid of putting myself in that tempting spot.

I was on the verge of doing some out of control eating. I rationed out a portion of veggie chips into a bowl and then before I put the lid back on the container, I reached in and grabbed more chips and shoved them in my mouth. Not good. I did that a couple of times.

I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes and that restless beast disappeared, thank you Lord!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Yesterday was my son's birthday. Fortunately he doesn't like cake. His girl friend took him out for dinner and invited us to join them. We (my daughter and I) declined. We're not ready to eat in a restaurant just yet. Especially not one that serves BIG yummy hamburgers and fries !!

Today, I was becoming glugged down with lots of emotional gunk. I sat down and wrote out my emotions (and what caused them). I felt MUCH BETTER after getting it all out on paper. I have found this to be very theraputic for many reasons.

One reason is that as I write them out, they lose their power over me (I see them for what they are ... or for the TRUE size that they are). Also, as I write I can discover any "thinking errors" I am having.

Hubby's home. Gotta go hear how he almost died twice on his drive home!

Wednesday, Jan. 6

Last night, my daughter and I sat at the table eating one thing after another to use up all of our points. We were laughing, it was nearing midnight, and here we sat forcing ourselves to eat!

It's important that you use your alloted points each day (to purposely choose to eat less is not beneficial to this lifestyle change).

It's 11: 00 PM and I have 5 more points to use up. My daughter finished hers over an hour ago.
Good for her! We are night owls. We get up later (thus eat breakfast later in the day). Each night we've gone to bed a little bit earlier than we used to. Could it be the exercise we're doing? : )

I am having to go to the bathroom constantly! On a side note, I have an overactive bladder (yes, it was diagnosed as such) which means that a "normal" bladder can hold approx. 500 cc of urine before it has to empty. Mine gets to 175 cc and it starts to spasm and kicks the urine out. So when I gotta go, I GOTTA GO NOW ! I left home to run a few errands and had to stop at fast food places to run in and use the restroom. Had a couple of close calls, but made it each time.

Day three observation: I'm much more focused on what I eat. I think before I stick it in my mouth. Seems like I'm thinking ABOUT food alot more now than I used to, but in a good way. I'm making smarter choices and that feels wonderful !!

Day two of no coffee : ) I did get very tired late this afternoon and took a nap. I also have sleeping problems. I can't stay asleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time. My reality, for now. Hoping that lifestyle changes will help with my sleep : )


Little red hen, you rock! You're my favorite hen! Pulling for you chick! ~ Precious

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My daughter and I went grocery shopping today armed with our POINTS calculators. We investigated the nutritional labels on different foods and then were able to make informed decisions about what we would buy. She found some potato chips that are only one point per serving (20 chips). I discovered some frozen meals that are perfect for times when we need to eat in a hurry because we're too hungry to cook! Hopefully these meals will be the replacement for the fast food meals we used to bring home.

We tried to hit the grocery store when we were both "satisified" stomach-wise. I wasn't hungry when I got there, but looking through my coupons and staying in the store longer (due to our investigating) took its toll on me. Good thing we had those frozen dinners to heat up in the microwave (just 5 minutes)! It was already dinner time by the time we were checking out.

After we ate, we opened our chip bags and cracker boxes and filled ziploc bags with one portion and the number of points written on the front of the bag. Now we're ready for snack time or when we want to grab something on the go. I plan to take a snack with me EVERYTIME I leave the house ... just in case. I don't want to be caught out and about (longer than I intended to be gone) and approach hunger or even worse: ravenous!!

I rode my exercise bike for 15 minutes last night. I got a cramp in the bottom (the arch) of one of my feet. Wonder if it was because I was wearing my crocs instead of a pair of tennis shoes. I listened to my little ipod for the first time while exercising. It drown out the television (as I hoped it would). Now I know I need to device some sort of holder to attach it to my arm or somewhere on my body. Hmmm .... maybe one of those arm bands.

Oh! I can't forget to mention that I did not have any coffee today! I am drinking apple cider vinegar in water three times a day. It is supposed to give you energy. Maybe it's working on me already?! I am hopeful that it will help to keep my "regular" too.

Little red hen, I am so excited for you! I'm in your corner and cheering you on every day! Today is the first day of the rest of your life! I love you, Precious

Monday, January 4, 2010

This evening I will be joining Weight Watchers, Lord willing, along with my daughter, my mother and one of my sisters. We plan to attend the same weekly meeting together.

I plan to purge all the sweets and other "temptation horrors" from our house, later today. I drank one last cup (ok, a cup and a half) of egg nog ... just because ! Just because we still had some in our refrigerator! And I don't even like it! Maybe I enjoy the first swallow, but after that it's just too rich and too creamy for me. So why did I drink a cup and a half of it??!!

Being overweight is rarely about "the food." It's much more about emotions and other things going on in your head that you are not even aware of. THIS IS MY YEAR to get in there and see what's going on and fight for my life (literally) back.

I've been overweight since I was a kid. Don't know when it all started, and it doesn't matter. I will be 50 years old in 6 months. I want to be healthy! I want to feel good ! I want to have energy to enjoy my life ! I want to get off all the different medications that I am now taking ! I want to be an inspiration to anyone else who thinks it's too late ... it's NEVER too late !!!

YOU can do this little red hen. I know you can. Hang onto the LORD and press into Him. He wants you to be free from all this even more than you do! I love you. ~ Precious