Monday, August 23, 2010

Today was quite a day. One I won't soon forget. It started last night with some drama. A great sadness overshadowed this morning and then, I was an eyewitness to an auto accident. As a matter of fact, it happened right in front of me. I stood on the scale this evening feeling hopeful. What a shock to read that I had gained over 3 pounds! Ok, that's the icing on this cake.

Now to look at today's events from another view: The only time I will not experience any drama, will be when I'm dead and gone. Why should it surprise me? How would I know that God can heal a broken heart if I never had one? I witnessed an auto accident, I wasn't in it. No one was killed in it. I prayed for all involved. For whatever reason, they all had a near death experience today. What they decide to do with that knowledge is between them and their maker. I exercised right before I left home for the weigh in (maybe that's why the scale went up?) My leader reminded me that IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT THE RESULTS ON THE SCALE. We're striving for lifestyle/behavioral changes. "You exercised today, Liz!"

Hindsight ... It's Always 20/20

The last day I tracked (wrote down what I ate) was on Sunday, August 1, 2010.

I wonder if I can remember what I ate for over a week ...

One night (was it Friday?) my husband and I got take out from Papa Joe's Fish & Cue. I had a cheeseburger, fries, onion rings and a soda (3/4 diet Coke and 1/4 Coca Cola). **Lesson learned, I don't have to have my own order of fries AND onion rings. I don't like the taste of soda now. It's too sweet. I can say, "No soda" even if it is included in the price (or fill the cup with the soda my husband likes -- let him drink it). **

Saturday night it was pizza, bread sticks, soda, cake and ice cream (the leftovers of which came home with us afterward). ** Lesson learned, don't bring home leftovers of tempting foods. **

Sunday we stopped to eat at a Chinese Food buffet. This had been one of my greatest concerns. I was afraid that I would not be able to "control" myself at a buffet. After several days of uncontrolled eating, I was right. This was one of the occasions where I overate. I filled my plate with items I wanted to eat. Then I went back for more of a few of those. Then I got some dessert and fruit items. Then after sitting and talking for awhile, I felt the NEED to go back and get more of what I (erroneously) thought I would not get to eat again for a loooooooong time. Afterward, I felt too full. If there can be a bright side to that eating occasion, it would be that I hadn't felt that uncomfortable "STUFFED" feeling for a very long time. ** Lesson learned, take a walk around the buffet FIRST before I even pick up a plate. Let the sights awe me first, THEN decide if THAT is what I will choose to eat today. I can eat Chinese Food any day I want to. I don't have to eat it ALL today. **

Bravos

Last week a WW member shared that she is keeping a list of her own "Bravo" achievements.

We are encouraged to share something positive about our week (doesn't have to be food or scale related) at the beginning of our weekly meetings and then we are awarded a "bravo" sticker.

I like the idea of keeping my own running list ... it will help me see that I am INDEED making progress regardless of what the scale says.

Saturday night I left the pizza parlor with a box (BOX!) of leftover pizza to take home after a birthday party. I had already eaten some pizza earlier in the evening, along with drinking soda and having a piece of cake and some ice cream.

I was all alone in my van. I opened the box and ate one piece .. I could have easily eaten the rest of the leftovers before I got home ... and barely remembered that I had done it! I didn't. After that first piece, I closed the box and talked to myself. I told myself that the PIZZA was not what I wanted / needed. Eating more wasn't going to stop (or help) what was happening inside of me.

Bravo, Liz !

Caught in the Act (or Non-action)

It was time. I'm glad that I didn't squeak by this week. There have been weeks when I thought I would gain or at least not lose, but I did lose anyway. At tonight's weigh in there was not a congratulations offered. I knew that the jig was up. No more seeing how close to the line I could get without stepping over it.

The scale said that I was up 1.2 pounds. Not a large gain. Enough for me to take notice of what I've been doing (or not doing) though. I've been eating without thinking. I've eaten when I wasn't hungry. I've over-eaten on at least two occasions. I've emotionally eaten. I haven't limited myself to "just a bite or two" of certain things.

Do I consider myself as "bad"? No. I don't have to follow the Weight Watcher plan for eating. I can continue to carry this weight around. I can gain back what I lost (and then some). It's my choice.

Tonight I was late to the meeting. I chose to go anyway.

I choose to continue on this path. I choose to see it as a JOURNEY (it's not an attempt at perfection). One little change at a time is what I'm making.

Anchoring

The topic at last night's WW meeting -- Out of Control Eating. What does that look like in my life? What can I use to anchor myself (to put a stop to it) when I realize I am in it?

Challenge for this week: Write down WHY I came in the door at Weight Watchers, WHERE do I want to end up on this "weight loss journey?"

I came to Weight Watchers because I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to learn to lose it in a way that I could live with. I also wanted to lose for my family's sake ... to begin to end the obesity in our generations. I wanted to honor God in my body, to take care of this temple He had given me. I believed it could work for me, with His help. I was ready : )

I want to reach my goal weight. I want to maintain it, once I get there. I want to encourage my family that they can do it too. I want to be able to wear smaller clothes (to not shop in the "Plus Size" section any more). I want to be healthy. I want to have energy and stamina. I want to be able to do all the things that the extra weight has hindered me from. I want to be free from the obsession with food. I want to live life (instead of watching from the wings). I want to hike, to dance and to run. I want to be able to buckle every seat belt around me. I want my husband to carry me over the threshold ... to be able to lift me up. I want to sit in any seat without wondering if I would be too heavy for it (would it creak? would it break?) I want to like (to love!) my body when I see it. I want to be in the best shape I have ever been in. I want my weight loss to be a testimony to the victory of God's work in my life. I want to be able to declare what He has done! I want to actually have the wish I so dearly wished for. I thought it was a goal (to lose weight) every year, but it was a wish. A wish is something you think will just "poof!" happen. One day I want to wake up and be able to say, "It really did happen! I did lose the weight!"

Identifying Thoughts

Mondays through Fridays I am babysitting grandchildren. I'm busy from early morning until almost dinner time. I eat when I get a couple of minutes. I don't even think about food until my stomach is growling (which could be a very good thing).

On the flip side, when the last child has left, I find myself wanting to flop down with a TREAT and just veg out for awhile. I sense the need to nurture myself and give myself a (food) pat on the back for making it through another day, which is NOT a good thing.

It's Back

Headed out to do some shopping with my daughter. Hubby told me to look for clothes for myself. Not something I enjoy doing ... looking isn't as bad as the trying on. I used to love shopping for clothes, but that was long ago.

I'd rather do just about anything, than look for clothes for myself now. I enjoy shopping for a new pair of earrings, a purse, housewares or books. Office supplies are exciting, not clothes. Until today ...

Today, I was able to look at clothes in smaller sizes! Today I tried on clothes that were a little too big for me. Today, I was delighted to find a larger selection of clothing in my size.

Today, the joy of shopping for clothes for ME, has returned.