Back Tracking

Just coming out of several days of being lost ... lost where, I don't know ...

It's important for me to try to figure out why or where I lost my focus. Let's backtrack

• I got a text from one of our adult children who wanted to meet with hubby and I. The topic would be the sharing of their inner feelings about our relationship.
• I was not able to attend my grandmother's 90th birthday party out of state, due to a lack of finances. I thought I had accepted the fact that I would miss it, but THIS was the weekend of the party and I discovered more and more of my relatives made the trek out east and I succumbed to sadness that I wasn't there too.
  
• My brother was not home to take my parents to the airport, so I took them (which was not a problem) but no one knew where he was and they were very surprised that he was "gone." They had expected him to take them.
  
• Since my brother was not at home, I was asked to care for the plants and pick up the mail
  (again, not a problem) except that I was doing it because no one knew where my brother was and why he was "missing."
  
• I received twelve consecutive calls from the medical center where my family receives our health care, one evening. The medical center is also a hospital, trauma and ER center. We were not at home and a message was not left. I called all of my adult children that live in our area, to make sure that they and their children were OK.
  
• I wondered if it could be a medical emergency concerning my brother. I called the switchboard. He was not a patient on the admission list. I was transferred to the ER. I was told that no patient in there had made multiple calls and they were not calling to try to reach a family member.
  
• The next day, the same thing happened. Twelve consecutive calls came in. I got home minutes after the last call came. I sat and waited to see if another call would come. It did. It was an automated call reminding me of an upcoming appointment! My husband said I should be much relieved now, but I wasn't. I was glad to know no one was having an emergency but I had already exerted so much concern over the "possibilities" that I did not immediately feel relief.
• I did not go to water plants and pick up the mail on Saturday and felt guilty about it. On Sunday, I was determined to go. That afternoon, before I left home, my husband told me to call and just see if my brother happened to be there. I did, and he was. I had the same reaction as I had with the phone calls. I was glad that he was alive and well, but I did not have immediate relief, even though he said he had watered the plants yesterday and had gotten the mail.
  
• I was very surprised to find out that two of my cousins surprised everyone and flew out for my grandmother's birthday party. That made me even sadder that I hadn't gone.