Appropriate or Not

Who determines what is appropriate? I'm not talking about what's good verses what is evil-- what is lawful or what is not .... appropriate is a gray line. There are no absolutes here.

For instance, are public displays of affection appropriate? If so, are there times when they are not appropriate? Is it the location that determines the difference ... or the level of affection displayed? or perhaps it is determined by who is involved in the displaying. Is it a matter of whether it's appropriate to "the public" who see the display? This is just a random example.

I started pondering this question as I reflected on recent questions my adult children had asked me. I was asked if ____ (some event or circumstance) was alright with me. Hmmm ... first of all, I wonder why they are asking me if that particular thing is alright. Does that mean that they thought it may NOT be (not be appropriate) to me?

How did I come to the conclusions that I DO have about what is appropriate and what is not? Again, I'm speaking about gray areas that are not specifically spelled out in Scripture. Those that are taught about, I hold as my beliefs ... but those "gray areas" ...

It's funny how many times I would tell my husband that something he was doing was not appropriate, when we were newlyweds. It's a standing joke between us now. I can even laugh about some of them ... but there are still SOME that we differ in opinion about. What may be inappropriate to (or for) me, is appropriate to (or for) him.

Big Step Forward

Hmmm ...I have allowed people to have control over me by using their anger. It's been quite effective for them. Today I decided that, with God's help, I will not be controlled in that way any longer. What needs to be said will be said .... regardless of what I THINK their reaction may be.

The Rest of the Story

Lest you think I was making too big of a deal out of the pizza and buffalo wings ...this past week, I also ate: 5 beef tacos from Julioberto's, 3 tacos from Del Taco, a single burger from Lenny's with fries (although I don't eat the buns), a root beer float AND some chocolate krispies cereal [not in one sitting!]

Now you can see why I was SHOCKED to have lost one pound : )

You've Come A Long Way Baby

It's official ... I have lost 30 pounds! Wish I could say that I was delighted to receive my third blue ribbon (that says "I lost 10 pounds in Weight Watchers") ...but I was still in shock. Oh it was a good feeling ...just not as good as it could have been : /

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk ...shame on me

Lies, lies, lies! That's what I've been telling myself. Not only telling myself, but believing and acting upon.

For the last two weeks I have gone to my Weight Watchers meeting BELIEVING that I had gained weight. I KNEW that I CERTAINLY had not lost any weight.

Imagine my SHOCK when I was congratulated each week. CONGRATULATED?!! Impossible !!
How could I have LOST weight each of these two weeks?

Shock blocks the feeling of happiness. So not only was I SHOCKED, I was also ROBBED of the joy I should have felt!

Tonight I uncovered the key. I assumed that if I ate out (at a restaurant) or if I ate something that I thought was bad then I assumed that I was bad. If I was BAD then it would show up on the scale. I felt "bad" for days AFTER the "incident" of eating out or eating something I considered a "no-n0."

What I didn't take into consideration was the TRUTH that I can indeed eat at a restaurant and I can eat WHATEVER I WANT TO EAT in moderation. My lifestyle has changed!

Yes, I did go out to eat pizza with my family. I did have some buffalo wings, and drank two cups of soda too. Sound like a "no-no"? That's what I thought. I was disappointed in myself. What I didn't focus on was that I had three SMALL pieces of pizza, five buffalo wings and two glasses of diet root beer. Never in my "former life" would I have limited myself to this. I certainly would not be selecting the SMALLEST pieces of pizza, that's for sure !!

There is no "bad" food in Weight Watchers. There are no "bad" people on this Weight Watcher journey. As a matter of fact, I'm all for banning of the word BAD ....that doesn't mean you're bad if you happen to say it. You are still learning. None of us is perfect : )

Possibilities

I was told by one of my mentors that the first step to change is allowing yourself to imagine the possibility of it happening.

January 1, 2010 I sat with my family around the dining room table and we wrote out our personal goals for the new year. There were several categories. One of them was a physical goal. I took a step of faith and wrote down that I wanted to lose 50 pounds this year.

Blame it on the Birthday

The week after my birthday, my friend, Sandee, took me out to lunch. We had a good time and tried to mind our Weight Watcher points : ) I had half a sandwich and a side salad ...dipping my fork in the dressing instead of pouring it on. I drank water ... then we split a yummy berry eclair. Because we both have birthdays in July, it seemed like that was "a good reason."

Before the Day Was Over

Next, my sister Rose said she had a presentation. She slipped in a DVD she had made. It was a collage of pictures of me growing up, set to music. I don't know why, maybe it was the songs that she chose or just seeing me as a child, but the tears fell down my cheeks (again) as I watched it.

We watched it all the way through once and then watched it later pausing for commentaries by me and family members. That was fun. No one cried that time : )

For dessert we had Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches (a Weight Watcher favorite).

The day was almost over and it had been a wonderful, wonderful day.

When I got home, I sat down and read every note, letter and card. My love tank was full. My family and friends had honored me. I didn't know if I would be able to sleep.

I'm going to enjoy being 50!

Feeling the Love

When the last item was delivered and all the children were seated on the floor, all eyes were on me. Emily came back in and had a note in her hand. She said that she was told to read it aloud. As she read I wondered who had written it. The author had mentioned my pretty fingers and toes. Hmmm, who would know about that? Then she read the line that told me it was from my dear husband, Bob.

Everyone oooed and ahhhed. It contained a lot of emotion and loving words. It meant much more to me because I know that he has a hard time putting down on paper how he feels. Love notes do not come easy for him.

I started to open some of the letters. Many of them were e-mails that had been sent to Emily, per her request, and she had printed them out for me. As I would look to see the name at the bottom of the message, I would again get choked up. I read one or two aloud and then I had to stop. I couldn't get through anymore.

My grandson, Anthony, said he would read his card to me. It was a humorous card and we all laughed. Then two or three other grandchildren read their handmade cards aloud. They were very sweet and made me smile. Next my dad, who is 75 years old, said he would read his card to me. He started out and had our attention, then he got choked up and couldn't read. We all needed kleenex after that.

The Celebration Continues

We were the first guests to arrive at my daughter, Emily's, house. Her two boys were outside playing soccer. I stayed outside and watched them. As others arrived, the children gathered in the grass and took turns trying to make goals. My mom told the kids that their grandmother (me) had played soccer too. They were amazed ... or maybe shocked : )

When everyone had gathered in the house we played a game of trivia. Then Emily called all the children out of the room. Next thing I knew, they were singing "When I turned 50 somebody touched me, when I turned 50, somebody touched me, when I turned 50 somebody touched me, it must have been the hand of the Lord." As they sang. they came in one-by-one and brought a letter, a note or a card and laid it on my lap. Then they went out and came back in with another. This continued for many verses. The adults in the living room joined in with the singing too. I started to notice that some of the cards had come in the mail. I recognized some of the return addresses and before I knew it I was choked up and got teary eyed. There were so many of them!

Dinner on the Table

Emily, the party planner in the bunch, had given my hubby instructions to have dinner ready for me when I got home. He had gone to Boston Market and brought back a delicious meal.

Bob, Julianne and I sat down to eat.

I was told that we were to be at Emily's house at 7:30 PM.

Treasure Hunting

All the girls went on an afternoon shopping spree. We had one male with us, Carlos, who is 3. He was a great little shopper and kept us laughing with his precious personality.

At one point we detoured through McDonald's drive-thru to get iced coffees. I drove my van and my sister drove my mom's van. We continued on until we had all had enough and our bags of goodies filled the back ends of both vans.

Weary and needed some rest we scattered to our own homes.

Birthday Brunch

My family (my parents, siblings, daughters and grandchildren) were waiting for us when we arrived at Mimi's Cafe. They were already seated at a table for 20. I sat in the middle of the table and enjoyed conversing with everyone. My grandson, Vincent, sat on one side of me and my husband sat on the other side.

I had ordered an orange juice, but after one sip I knew it would not be good for me to drink on an empty stomach. I asked the waiter to exchange it for apple juice. He thought he had made a mistake and brought back the apple juice in a large pilsner glass (the kind beer or perhaps a parfait are served in). Everyone teased me about drinking early in the day : )

Those of us following Weight Watchers talked about what we would order. I had the egg white omelet with a low fat blueberry muffin. Mmmm, mmm! The muffin was delicious. They serve the muffin first and all my hungry grandchildren were watching it arrive. I cut it up and shared it with all of them. I didn't even miss what I gave away.

After we ate, out came some presents. The first one was from Isabele. She is 5 and was so excited to give me the gift she had made for me. It was a beautiful beaded necklace. She said she had worked very hard on it : ) I put it on and wore it all day.

Next came a gift bag from my parents that contained, among other things, a wallet on a shoulder strap (I'm sure there is a proper name for them). It was leather and contained cash inside. My sister gave me a card that also included cash. My daughter, Emily, handed me some more cash before we left the restaurant. It (the cash) was for our afternoon adventure !

The waiter returned with a birthday surprise ... a huge piece of chocolate pie with lots of whipped cream on top. My family sang happy birthday to me and I decided to take a small bite then pass the pie around. Everyone who wanted to, got a bite of it.

I am very thankful that I'm no longer obsessed with food like I used to be. In the past I wouldn't have even thought of sharing my muffin or my pie with anyone else. On this day, it was actually freeing to let it go!

At one point during the brunch I took several of the kids to the bathroom. They got to giggling and talking so loud (plus it was echoing) I tried to shush them and thought people would be looking at us when we came out. Many eyes did turn toward us. One lady spoke up and said they were all so cute. I told her they were my grandchildren. She said I was very lucky. That I am.... blessed, that is.

Finishing Touches

My daughter, Emily, arrived at my house on Saturday morning. She gave me a refreshing facial and then opened her Mary Kay color book (full of samples) and we picked out my make-up for the day. We finished just in time to leave for the first stop on my birthday.

Getting Pampered

Nicole and I both had pedicures. We sat side by side in our massaging chairs. We had the works done to our feet and legs. It was the first time I had sea salt added and also the hot stones applied. I could get used to this! I was delighted to have my odd toenail cut down and reshaped so that it looked just like a regular toenail. We chose the same color of polish and both had a decorative flower added to our big toes : )

For our manicures we were split up. Mine was started first. I didn't expect to have my arms massaged as well (and for quite a long time). Ahhh, I was very relaxed and felt like a princess by the time we left. All I needed were some pretty glass slippers.

Happy Birthday Eve

Interestingly, I wasn't dreading turning another decade older ... even if this was going to be the BIG "5 -0." My family was determined to celebrate it to the hilt. They talked it up for months and made secretive plans.

Friday, July 2, I received my first acknowledgment. My brother wished me an early happy birthday via Facebook and told me that the fireworks this year were celebrating our country AND me. How sweet : )

My daughter, Nicole, treated me to a manicure and a pedicure on Friday night.

Made Me Smile

This morning I remembered a motto I read (I think it was on the Vita Tops website) "No Ifs, Ands ... But Smaller Butts!"

Life Goes On Around Me

It's 12:14 AM. My son and his girlfriend are baking a cake in the kitchen. I can smell it now. Time to go to bed and apply the Vicks under my nose!

Honesty

It's time for me to bring this to the light. I've been experiencing eating binges at night for several nights in a row. Not a good thing and I don't want to "cover it up" any longer.

WHY I've had the restless sensations and tried to eat them away is a mystery to me right now. I intend to take time to journal my thoughts and emotions over the last few days (if I can remember them all : )

I refuse to drop off this journey I've been on. I am reminded that this is not a sprint, it's a marathon. There will be days like this ... I shouldn't be surprised. And I will not allow myself to feel ashamed.

It is not really about the food. It is more about my thoughts and ignoring my emotions. Ugh ... funny, how thoughts and emotions can present more of an obstacle to me than the actual food. I never would have believed it.