Thursday, May 29, 2008

Inspiration

I heard a short testimony on the radio from a man who had been adddicted to Meth, but had reached 30 days of sobriety. He said he starts each day by asking God to help him stay clean and sober TODAY.

TODAY is doable. I finally got it! I had heard ONE DAY AT A TIME many times, but hadn't thought of it in connection to me and my struggle. I had always looked at the whole picture ... ALL the weight I had to lose or ALL the times I'd have to walk and ALL the exercises I'd have to do. No wonder I'd feel depressed and defeated before I even got out of bed.

Starting WEEK SIX

Monday was weigh-in day. I'm down two pounds from last week :)

Bob is amazed that my total weight loss isn't higher than the scale is telling me. He said that it's very evident that I'm losing and my body is changing shape.

That's ok with me. I already decided not to put too much stock into what the scale was telling me (back when it was fluctating several times in less than a minute). I can see the loss and I am feeling so much better.

The important thing to me is not going to be in numbers but in being able to remain "sober" one day at a time from the food addiction.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Dog in the mall

Just had to make note of the fact I ran into a dog INSIDE the mall. I suppose it was a service dog in training. It was a small dog (bull dog looking). The reason why I'm even talking about it is because it's the first time I've encountered a service dog that stood up and looked at me with an "I'm watching you!" kind of expression. Usually service dogs continue to lie (if that's what they were doing when I see them). I'd never seen one get up and stand next to their person. If I ever had to have one, I'd want mine to do that.

Mall Walking

Even though it's been cooler outside, I've been walking at the mall. I like to know my route and know where I'm at. When I walk for 30 minutes at the park, I can't gauge how much farther I need to walk to use up that remaining time. You may say to yourself, "Who cares? What does that matter?" Remember I told you that I'm thinking 24/7. I care and it matters to me.

Walking inside on the weekend is much more exciting than walking on a weekday. Yes, there are more people to walk around, but that's part of the fun. I was imagining what it would be like to be a receiver running for a touchdown and having to look for openings to run through.

Manuvering the obstacle course is only part of it. The other aspect is the people watching I can do as I'm walking. I thought about having a T-shirt made up that says I'm a mall walker not a purse theif . Or maybe one that says I may be a mall walker or I may be an undercover detective watching YOU. I think this would be another good one I'm trying to read your T-shirt, what d'ya think?!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wednesday, May 21

I weighed myself this morning and I was back down four pounds, weird.

There are 52 days until July 12th when Chris wants us to take our dresses in for alterations. That's 7 1/2 weeks. She gave me a goal to lose 20 pounds by that date. I will really have to stay focused!

We will have 7 family birthdays (including mine!), one graduation, an end of the year BBQ, Father's Day and the bridal shower in the meantime. If you're anything like our family, you plan celebrations around food. It's what we've always done.

I need to learn to be in the occasion and not let the food be so important. This is something God will have to do in me. What a relief to know that He can!

Monday, May 19, 2008

I'm the brat

The scale said I'd gained back the 4 pounds I had lost (I think). The reason why I'm not quite sure is that now I'm weighing myself on a different floor and I'm wearing clothing (have to, the scale is out in the living room).

I decided to go back to counting points and following the Weight Watcher's eating plan. I knew that I needed some sort of structure.

My husband and I walked this evening. He spent most of the time telling me what he had done at work today (in great detail). I was weighing the fact that I'm not afraid of any stray dogs when I walk with him versus the loss of my solitude. He talked non-stop for most of a mile. Then he ran out of work related details to tell me. I was relieved!

He said that he talked on and on to help pass the time. Hmmm, if I hadn't been irritated, I might have noticed that fact myself!

He can walk faster than I can and doesn't confess that he's growing tired while we walk. When we get to the cooling down phase, it shows up in him. That's when I come back to life and he is ready to fall down on the ground.

I appreciate his support of my walking and that he'll walk with me even after a long day of work. Today he walked in his work boots. He carries a water bottle for me, so I don't have to.

And I used to think our dog was spoiled!

It's a matter of focus

[My paraphrase of something I heard at church on Sunday]:

Obstacles block our way.
It's not the object that causes us to fall or fail.
It's our focus.
When we focus on the object (the circumstance) and not
the one in whom we trust, that's when we fail.

When I focus on all the weight I have to lose ...
When I focus on how far I'll have to walk ...
When I focus on how long (in minutes) I'll have to walk ...
When I focus on what I can't eat ...
When I focus on how many more minutes I have to ride ...
When I focus on my fear of not fitting in the dress ...
... my strength will fail.

But when I place my focus on Christ and trust Him to accomplish
all those things in me ... His strength cannot fail.

Random Thoughts

I didn't walk or ride the exercise bike on Saturday or Sunday.

We ate out several times this weekend.

A dear friend of mine reminds me that this is a marathon I am running (not a sprint).

I don't think I've been drinking enough water.

This is the time (in the past) where I'd give up and say to myself:
I have too much to lose or
it's too hard or
I'll get back "on track" later

I can't do this by sheer willpower.
I can't do it with my own determination.
I can't do it, even to save face (now that I've told you that I'm doing it).

Only by God's grace will I be consistent.

I CAN eat less ...
I CAN walk in the morning ...
I CAN ride the exercise bike ...
... through Christ who strengthens me

Friday, May 16, 2008

Q & A

Q: Do you enjoy walking?
A: Once I am walking I usually enjoy it. If not during, I always enjoy the feeling I get after I walk.

Q: Are you seeing a difference in your clothes?
A: Yes, I can see them getting loose.

Q: How are you liking the exercise bike?
A: I love my exercise bike. I'm so glad we chose the recumbent one! I always ride while I'm watching something on the TV.

Q: How much weight have you lost so far?
A: That's hard to answer (exactly). I told you about my digital scale fluctating. Now I'm weighing myself with clothes on too. I decided not to let the frustration get to me (of not knowing exaclty how much). I'd say I'm down four
pounds from when I started.

Q: When will you be having your dress altered?
A: I'll be taking it in the first or second week of July.

Q: Have you been practicing your walk in the high heels.
A: No

Q: Have you started to tan up your blinding white chest and shoulders?
A: Not yet, but I plan to.

Q: What's been the hardest part for you so far?
A: Being mentally ready to walk as soon as I get up.

Q: Is this challenge putting a strain on your friendship?
A: No, but she hasn't really been "in my face" or pushing me (like you see the trainers on The Biggest Loser), yet.

A Reason to Walk

Remember, the very best exercise is walking.

You can do it anywhere, anytime. And it's free!

If I can walk, I KNOW you can walk. Just decide that it won't be an option. You WILL walk everyday, period.

Start out walking as far as you can (Chris had me start with the goal of walking to the corner of my street and back). She told me about a man she knew who lived in a cul-de-sac and when he started walking he couldn't even make it out to the corner of the cul-de-sac. But he kept at it. He's half the size he was, now!

Walk as if your life depends on it. It does.

How did the rooster cross the road?

My dear husband invited me to walk with him in the evening.
It was nice to walk and to talk. I was winded but he wasn't.
I experienced the peaks and valleys (when you think you can't
take another step, then as you continue to press on, you get a
boost of energy and you know you can make it to the end).
He didn't. He said he felt like he could keep walking, forever.

After our cool down walk, he said his legs were stiffening up.
He could barely walk around the rest of the night.

I got such a chuckle out of saying to him, "You need to ride the
exercise bike now," as he often says to me.

If you see my blonde rooster along the road, please slow down. He won't be able to run out of the way. He's not just strutting, he HAS to walk that way!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Not walking

What's up with the days that I don't walk? That's a good question! Here's my thoughts about why I didn't walk on Tuesday.

I didn't feel like walking. I didn't feel like doing much of anything.

At the end of the day I was looking over my record keeping and saw that I did not have a BM all day. No wonder I didn't feel well! I was toxic! Then when I tried to go to bed, I couldn't fall asleep. I got up and came to the computer and started downloading emotions. I typed out three pages of built up emotions.

I finally became drowsy and went to sleep.

On Wednesday morning I drank some water when I woke up and something starting moving :) (I can remember when I was a kid, my grandmother asking me if I had moved my bowels today and how repulsed I was by that question!) Now-a-days, my dad and I talk about that topic on a regular basis. He's the only one who's willing to.

All I know is that on Wednesday, I WANTED to walk.

Have you moved today? If not, drink more water.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Evening Exercise

I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes tonight and then did some arm exercises (using resistance bands and one small dumbell).

If the floor wasn't so far down there I think I'd lie down and do some leg lifts. I wonder if they'd be as effective if I did them on the couch-- or better yet, while lying on my bed? It's not so hard to get down, it's more the getting up part that I have trouble with!

Sweet Sticky Surprises

I didn't walk or ride the exercise bike yesterday.

I walked at the mall today. I was determined to walk regardless of the fact I didn't want to be seen by anyone who knew me (ever have one of those days?) If I took time to "spruce up" before I walked, I may never get out of the house.

I walked indoors with my very dark sunglasses on thinking that I would be unrecognizable; but she knew me. Sitting on a chair waiting in the barber shop was my precious granddaughter, Valentina. When she saw me she jumped up, smiled and called out "Gramma!" (Maybe I should take the hint that I really look like this on more days than I'd care to admit).

Val wanted to know what I was doing at the mall, and why I was wearing those dark glasses. She told me to take them off so she could see my eyes. I stayed awhile and chatted with her, my mother and two of my grandsons.

I could've stayed with them all day, but I HAD to walk.

After I left them and rounded the first corner I came face to face with my daughter, Nicole and her youngest daughter. Isabele didn't seem to recognize me (but she often looks at you like she's perplexed). I popped up my glasses, kissed her on the head and told her to "give me five."

I don't know what she had been eating but I continued the rest of my walk with one very sticky hand, a big smile on my face and one in my heart.

Thank you Lord for special surprises as I walk.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Guess what?

The bride's dress is too tight! (I'm sorry to feel any pleasure about that, Chris).

She said she needs to lose 5 pounds and has challenged me to beat her. She said it will be easier for me to lose 5 than for her to do it. So I took her up on this one too.

When she told me, the tune of "the witch is dead" from The Wizard of Oz, and seeing the munchkins all dancing around merrily came to mind. I tried to come up with appropriate new lyrics. "Ding, Dong, the bride gained weight, her dress won't fit, it will not fit. Oh no, she has to lose, she has to lose, some weight like me!"

I wanted to skip and dance around too .... Just being honest with you.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Have you seen God today?

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I can walk when I don't FEEL like walking, through Christ who strengthens me. I walked for 30 minutes this morning. It was a hard walk. I was tired. My legs were a bit stiff. I listened to praise music and it lifted my spirit.

The Lord blessed me with some special little surprises this morning. There was the singing bird perched on a log along the path I was walking. It was a beautiful black shiny bird with a bright colored beak. There was a man jogging with a small poodle on a leash running behind him. The little dog made me smile. Then a vehicle passed me and honked. It was my brother! He turned around and came back to talk to me. He was delighted to see me out walking and I was just as thrilled to see him.

This is the day the LORD has made, rejoice and be glad in it!

Keep your eyes open today and watch for the ways God wants to delight your heart.

Eating out

Thursday: I was gone all day so Bob brought home dinner. We had a Ceasar side salad (with Ranch dressing), a baked potato, chili and a double cheeseburger from Wendy's. I took everything off my burger and just ate the meat patties. [I didn't have to eat all this food at once, but I did. Didn't THINK about it first.]

Friday: I was restless, so I left home to run some errands. Drove through Taco Bell and ate a bean burro and a soft taco. Later drove through McDonald's and had a vanilla cone, an oatmeal raisin cookie and half of a chocolate chip cookie. [I was given the largest cone I have ever seen! Looking back I wish I would've asked them to take at least half of it off the top. I ate it all]. I didn't make dinner so Bob brought home Mexican take-out. I ate two small carnitas tacos,one (fried) fish taco and several bites of a bacon, egg, potato and cheese burrito. [Bob made all the selections. I didn't stop and THINK about what I would allow myself to eat, first].

Saturday: I brought dinner home. We had chicken, refried beans, cole slaw, corn cobblets, and corn tortillas from El Pollo Loco.

Today's is Mother's Day. I don't know what's planned for me (as far as eating out). I'd like to know, so that I can mentally plan, but I don't want to ruin any possible surprise plans that someone may have made.

Saturday, May 10

Once I get up for the day, I KNOW it's time to put on my shoes and go for a walk. Lately I've been lingering in bed, until I'm ready (in my head) to walk. Today I stayed in bed longer. I read a book and fell asleep again. I didn't get up until almost noon. It was too late (too hot) to walk, so I didn't.

I scrapbooked with my mom in the afternoon. We have a good time together sharing our newest photos and coming up with creative ideas for our pages. It had been too long since our last crop (when scrapbookers get together to scrap).

I didn't walk in the evening.

I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes before I went to bed.

This was the second day (not in a row) that I haven't walked during these 3 weeks. Hmmm ....I'm behind again in writing out what I've eaten, I haven't journaled my emotions lately, AND I've neglected my time in God's Word.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." - Matthew 6:33

Saturday, May 10, 2008

You can write to me on this blog!

Did you know that you can write a comment to me? At the end of each blog (each entry) is a "comment" link. Just click on it.

Friday, May 9

I didn't walk until evening. I thought about just riding the bike but remembered what Chris had told me. "Walking is your priority. If you only do one thing, WALK."

It was 7:30 PM when I left my house. Perfect temperature to be outside! Lots of people at the park near my house. No stray dogs running around.

I recognized a man far across the park. I knew his stature and his gait. What a thrill and a lift to my spirit. It was my dear husband.

We walked toward eachother. He was smiling and swinging his arms. He thought I was finished and ready to come home but I was only halfway through my 30 minutes. He said he'd keep walking with me.

It blessed my heart for several reasons:
Bob usually walks slowly but he kept up with my pace.
He had just finished a long day of work (he's in construction -- his work is labor intensive), and I knew he was tired. At the end of our walk he told me that he doesn't like walking (for exercise) and didn't think he could ever do it on a regular basis. I've always admired his ability to get up and go to work day after day whether he's very tired, not feeling well, it's too hot, or he'd like to take a day off. He just goes. It felt good to know that in my own way I was committed to doing something day after day too.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Indoor walking

I set my alarm to get up early. I was outside and ready to walk by 7:15 AM (early for me). It was nice and cool, bright and sunny, and there was a police helicopter overhead. When I got to the corner where I do my stretches I noticed two large dogs running in a yard down the road.

Dog anxiety was high today. I went back home and decided to drive to a nearby shopping mall to walk inside.

I walked for 30 minutes. Mall walkers come in all shapes and sizes but most of them were older than me. They have their strides down! Some of them were walking much faster than I was. A group of three ladies were walking and carrying on a conversation (not walking fast enough according to Chris). I check to make sure I'm walking fast enough by talking to myself out loud. I can't get through a whole sentence without having to stop to take a breath. That's fast enough.

I felt like I was on the verge of pigging out all day. Lots of emotional stuff going on. I ate more dark chocolate than I normally do at one sitting and I also ate some trail mix that I had been avoiding. I was disappointed to discover that all the peanut M&Ms were gone out of it (how could that have happened ? Julie?)

I will ride the exercise bike before bed tonight.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Some Trainer Tips

Whatever you can't seem to control yourself (when you eat it), don't have that in your house.

If you have to eat when you're out and about, order a kid's meal or share a meal with someone else.

Chicken soft tacos are a good choice when eating Mexican food. Beware of the chips. If they are a problem for you to stop, don't start eating them.

Cut your portions in half. It's better for your metabolism to eat several times a day versus three BIG meals. If you're going to eat a burrito, eat half now and half of it later.

Remind yourself you can always eat more LATER. As soon as you're hungry again you can eat more of ___ (whatever) if you want to.

When you start out to walk, don't start out fast. It takes about 5 minutes for your body to get warmed up. After 5 minutes you can probably walk at a faster pace. During your walk you will feel more energy at times and less at others. Pace yourself accordingly.

Your priority is TO WALK. Walking is the VERY BEST exercise you can do. It works and tones every part of your body. If you can only do one thing ... WALK.

For a few years Chris could not keep ice cream in her house. Now she can. She said when she wants to eat some she just eats a spoonful at a time from the freezer. She doesn't dish it out into a bowl to eat it.

You can eat anything you want, you just can't eat all of everything you want. For instance, if you want to eat something sweet (that someone brings to the office or some function) cut a sliver of it or eat half of it. Just don't eat a whole one.

Have the mindset that you don't need to have your "own" portion of something. You can take a drink or two of someone's drink or a bite or two of their food. (I told her about me ordering a large Horchata without even thinking about it). She suggested that if I want some in the future, I can just drink some of Bob's or share one with Julianne. I don't HAVE to have my own.

You should be drinking enough water that you have to go to the bathroom alot.

Binge eating

I just discovered how to set the correct date and time that I'm posting a new message. I went back and tried to change the dates as far as I could rememeber. From now on they will be right on the dot. Just an FYI.

I told Chris that several of my friends and family members have asked about having her work with them. She told me that she just doesn't have time right now but she's feeling like this will one day be a ministry for her. She said she has such compassion for people and since she has struggled with her own weight since she was 9 years old, she can understand what others are going through. She said she already knows me ... inside my head, because she knows herself.

When we were teenagers we used to binge eat together. One of the things we'd eat was saltine crackers with butter, peanut butter and then jelly on them. We'd sit and make little sandwiches over and over again until we were about to puke.

Hmmm, must have been a poor teens phase. That would never tempt me now.

Then there was the chips and salsa phase. Tortilla chips still tempt me. Especially with some good salsa. I'm so glad that I no longer crave hot fudge sundaes and french fries (another phase we went through). I think I got over that one when I worked at Dairy Queen. You really can get sick of eating ice cream dipped in chocolate (or covered in hot fudge).

Back to the subect at hand .... EATING SENSIBLY and LOOSING WEIGHT, Chris said I could share the tips she gives me with you.

The dress

Today I walked 1.4 miles. I didn't know that's how far I walked until after the fact. I made it in 30 minutes. Chris was impressed. She wanted me to work toward walking a mile in 20 minutes.

I put on the dress so she could see it on me (for the very first time). She said it looked like it fit me NOW! Woo Hoo! She made a point of telling me that I can't quit. I laughed and told her I didn't plan to.

She brought a pair of shoes to see if they would fit me. They did. They have a high heel. It's been years since I've worn high heels. As soon as I put them on I felt like I had "sexy legs" ... funny how it just comes on you. I wasn't able to take big steps or walk fast ... I kind of shuffled in them.

Julianne brought out her high heels and showed me how I was "supposed to walk" in them. Little did she know I had that wiggle down once. How did she think I caught the eye of her daddy?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Tuesday, May 6

We didn't go out to eat last night. We brought take-out home. I followed Chris' suggestions for what I ordered. What I neglected to think about, was a drink. I usually always drink water. I got carried away with the "special event" feel and ordered myself a large Horchata. Whether or not Horchata is high in calories is not the point. I didn't THINK about the choice, I just ordered it.

I rode the exercise bike 30 minutes last night before I went to bed.

This morning I walked a different route (walked down a main street for 10 minutes then turned around and walked back). The time went by fast. I had the radio headset on and didn't hear a runner coming behind me until he was ready to pass me!

I struggled with the thought of binge eating this afternoon and early evening. I didn't (by the grace of God). The old familiar thought "I can't do this" was trying to take root. It's a very powerful thought/emotion.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Week Two: Monday

It's Monday, time to weigh myself.

The scale was fluctuating. I weighed myself four times and each time it registered a different weight. The readings were within tenths of a pound of eachother, but it was frustrating me. Frustration is something I can't handle right now (see "Baby Steps"). I know I went down, just how much I don't know for sure. I'll just call it a one pound loss.

I called Chris, my trainer, with the intention of asking her about her weekend. Of course she wanted to know how I was doing. She said she kept checking and didn't receive any calls or e-mails from me. I didn't want to talk about me, but we did. That's what trainers do, make you do what you don't want to do.

She wasn't happy that I had gone off my medication, but I didn't get a lecture. We're getting together this week to walk together and she wants to see me riding my bike. I'm not looking forward to that visit but that's OK because I know that I'm still in a "funk." I feel that way about everything that's coming up.

The bride-to-be hasn't seen me in the dress yet. When she comes I know she'll want me to try it on for her. I'm trying to have no expectations as far as it fitting better already, but I know that I do.

I walked Saturday morning, rode the bike Saturday night, walked Sunday morning and walked Monday morning.

Special Occasions

Chris is teaching me that when special occasions come up you have to have a plan in place BEFORE you go to them. You have to decide what you will eat and what you will not eat before you are face to face with the food.

I can eat anything I want to, just not as much as I want. She told me to "take a bite or two." If it's something that you can't stop eating, don't start (don't take even one bite).

I didn't plan before I went to a birthday party last night (and I didn't talk to Chris about it either). I knew that my daughter was making her delicious potato salad and I was looking forward to eating some. I knew I would eat my burger without a bun. What I didn't think about was dessert.

It was an ice cream cake. No one asked if I wanted a piece (that is my last "hint" that it's my choice and I can say no), I was handed one. I was almost finished eating it when I realized that I hadn't even THOUGHT about eating it. I hadn't decided that I wanted to eat it, I hadn't decided to take a certain amount of bites of it or to eat half of it or anything. I just ate it.

In the past I would've been very mad at myself which would've spiraled me into an eating binge (I know, it doesn't make sense) but I remembered what Corey (a naturopathic student I had the pleasure of seeing) said to me. One time she looked at my food diary and said, "You had a hard two weeks. Lots of things happened. It's over. Now you have a clean slate."

Today is my clean slate. Actually, every time I sit down to eat is a clean slate. The last thing I ate (good choice or bad choice) is in the past.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Baby steps

I had a very hard week, last week. This is probably the main reason ...
I've been on an anti-depressant medication for a few years now. I came to the end of my last refill and thought to myself: I'm feeling so good and doing so well this may be a "sign" to stop taking this medication.

I took my last dose on Saturday, April 26th. By Tuesday, April 29th I was feeling excessively cranky. It continued to get worse. I saw for myself WHY they tell you not to just stop taking this, you have to taper off of it.

Decided that now was not a good time to try to do this. I had to face the problem I had created for myself. Not only was I on the verge of "loosing it" but the Dr. who had prescribed this for me has long since been gone. I would have to start at square one (that's why I was waiting all afternoon on Friday). No one was willing to just refill the medication or to give me a few pills to get me by until I could make an appointment. I had to wait to be seen and evaluated.

The good news is that I was able to receive a refill and took a pill on Friday, May 2nd. I was told that it could take up to 2 weeks for me to "even out."

When making changes take baby steps, not giant leaps!

Friday, May 2, 2008

Friday, May 2, 2008

I did not walk in the morning. I made a conscious decision to do something else after I got dressed. I was bothered with the thought, you should walk FIRST, but I didn't.

I did not walk at noon. I made the decision to take care of some business instead.

I spent the afternoon waiting in several different waiting rooms. When I arrived in each new location I asked if I had time to go out and come back. The person at the desk always said, "I don't know. You better just wait." So I didn't go outside and walk.

I stood up and "moved" in one of the waiting rooms. Moving (not walking, just moving) is not a common occurrence for waiting rooms. I suppose it could indicate that a person is not calmly waiting. Perhaps the person is becoming agitated. Perhaps the person has something "suspect" in their large bag (tote bag). Perhaps the person should be monitored. Perhaps security should be alerted that there is someone "moving around" instead of sitting. So I sat back down.

Sitting for five plus hours made me very tired. I was dozing off in my chair in the last waiting room.

Earlier in the day I got hungry. I hadn't planned to be away from home so long and did not bring a snack with me. I made a point of heading to the cafeteria where I ate a bean and cheese burrito. There weren't any vegetables available, no fresh fruit. Lots of "bad choice" items. Soda, candy, chips and sweets are the big sellers. I would've bought a dark chocolate bar if they had one, but they didn't.

By the time I had accomplished all that I had to do (the purpose for all that waiting) I was in a bad place (mentally, emotionally and physically). I decided I was GOING to have an ice cream cone. I'm glad I did not pass a Dairy Queen because I wanted a chocolate dipped cone. I got a cone at McDonald's.

I did not walk in the evening. I rode along with Bob to pick up Julianne. She asked what we were going to have for dinner. I was totally exhausted. Bob stopped at Subway. I did not intend to get a sandwich. I planned to sit in the van. Bob wanted me to come in with them. I shouldn't have. I ordered a sandwich (Philly Cheese Steak) just because it looked good in the picture. I started to eat the sandwich on the way home.

Reflecting:
I didn't walk this morning -- then I felt "guilty" all day about that.
I didn't bring a snack along -- I got too hungry. I procrastinated over some things -- I had to sit and wait all afternoon and was frustrated when things did not go smoothly (consequence of procrastinating). I ate (the ice cream cone)-- instead of downloading my emotions. I ate (the sub sandwich) -- instead of downloading my emotions.

Hindsight is 20/20.

I rode the exercise bike for 20 minutes before I went to bed.

I haven't written in my food diary since Thursday morning ... must take care of that immediately! (another thing I needed to acknoweldge).

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Walking this week

Some days are harder than others. I'm not excited about putting on my tennis shoes and heading out the door as soon as I wake up anymore. It helps to have already made a decision that I would walk first thing in the morning, period.

At the beginning of this week I decided to walk at the park (instead of down the street). I began week two walking for 20 minutes.

I prefer walking a certain distance (to a goal) rather than walking for a time period. Monday I just walked and kept looking at my watch. Twenty minutes seemed a very long time.

Tuesday I decided to walk a certain path and then look at my watch. Time went by faster that day.

Today (Thursday) Julianne and I went to a National Day of Prayer event at City Hall. I had already walked my 20 minutes earlier in the morning. I could really feel it in my legs as we walked around downtown. When I would stand up to walk after sitting for awhile, my legs were stiff then wobbly. I just laughed when Julie would say, "hurry Mom! We can make this light!" I couldn't hurry.

Week one I walked for 10 minutes. Week two I stepped it up to 20 minutes. Bob brought home an exercise bike on Wednesday and I rode it for 20 minutes in the evening.

Maybe I'm pushing myself too fast.

I've been playing phone tag with my trainer. She's out of town meeting her future in-laws for the first time. All the siblings will be there too. I don't know if we'll connect this weekend but I know I'll have to "fess up" come Monday, so I'm keeping an eye on myself.