Thinking ...

... it's what I do 24/7. I don't even have to think about it, I just do it. A major part of this journey will be "taking every thought captive to the knowledge of Christ."

For so many years I have thought “I can’t loose this weight. It’s too hard. It’s a lost cause.” And I’ve dwelt on thoughts of self condemnation for ever letting myself get to this place in the first place. If I sit awhile and immerse myself in these thoughts and start to get comfortable in them … I want to withdraw and hide myself.

One of my friends has a huge mirror in her bathroom. When you stand to pull up your pants (sorry, but I had to include that part) you can see your legs in the mirror. Every time I am in her bathroom I see my legs as they really are. In the bright light I can see that they are lumpy and bumpy. They are not sleek, smooth and slender.

One of the reasons why I am blogging this journey of mine is because I knew you'd be reading. I appreciate all of your prayers and well wishes but I need to know that you're out there. I need to be accountable to not live in denial anymore. This is not fiction. It's a true story. I really AM morbidly overweight. (I saw that on a poster over the scale one time at the doctor's office). That's something you just can't joke away.

I promise to keep writing, even when I don't want to. And I'll be honest even when I want to hide.