Back Tracking

Just coming out of several days of being lost ... lost where, I don't know ...

It's important for me to try to figure out why or where I lost my focus. Let's backtrack

• I got a text from one of our adult children who wanted to meet with hubby and I. The topic would be the sharing of their inner feelings about our relationship.
• I was not able to attend my grandmother's 90th birthday party out of state, due to a lack of finances. I thought I had accepted the fact that I would miss it, but THIS was the weekend of the party and I discovered more and more of my relatives made the trek out east and I succumbed to sadness that I wasn't there too.
  
• My brother was not home to take my parents to the airport, so I took them (which was not a problem) but no one knew where he was and they were very surprised that he was "gone." They had expected him to take them.
  
• Since my brother was not at home, I was asked to care for the plants and pick up the mail
  (again, not a problem) except that I was doing it because no one knew where my brother was and why he was "missing."
  
• I received twelve consecutive calls from the medical center where my family receives our health care, one evening. The medical center is also a hospital, trauma and ER center. We were not at home and a message was not left. I called all of my adult children that live in our area, to make sure that they and their children were OK.
  
• I wondered if it could be a medical emergency concerning my brother. I called the switchboard. He was not a patient on the admission list. I was transferred to the ER. I was told that no patient in there had made multiple calls and they were not calling to try to reach a family member.
  
• The next day, the same thing happened. Twelve consecutive calls came in. I got home minutes after the last call came. I sat and waited to see if another call would come. It did. It was an automated call reminding me of an upcoming appointment! My husband said I should be much relieved now, but I wasn't. I was glad to know no one was having an emergency but I had already exerted so much concern over the "possibilities" that I did not immediately feel relief.
• I did not go to water plants and pick up the mail on Saturday and felt guilty about it. On Sunday, I was determined to go. That afternoon, before I left home, my husband told me to call and just see if my brother happened to be there. I did, and he was. I had the same reaction as I had with the phone calls. I was glad that he was alive and well, but I did not have immediate relief, even though he said he had watered the plants yesterday and had gotten the mail.
  
• I was very surprised to find out that two of my cousins surprised everyone and flew out for my grandmother's birthday party. That made me even sadder that I hadn't gone.
  
  

Not Going There ...

I attend Weight Watcher meetings on Monday evenings.
I didn't go today. Hubby asked me not to go. Our finances are in a critical condition right now.

I'm participating in a book sale this weekend. I hope the proceeds of the sale will ensure that I can continue to attend the Weight Watcher meetings : )

I'm making a point of choosing NOT to think anxious thoughts of the opposite.

Reasons For Freaking Out

Speaking of freaking out, guess I need to say that we're no longer going on late night walks together. On our last one, we were told by one of the "regulars" that we'd see in the park, that we needed to be careful because he and his friend had encountered a couple of guys a few nights before. One of the guys had a knife and waved it in their faces. They said there was a third male who waited in the dark behind trees to jump out at passer-bys.

That's all I needed to hear! I was in a major freaking out mode. I wanted to instantly be at home, but we still had to make our way back through the dark park to get home. After that night we haven't walked again.

On a side note, I developed a "skin fungus" (or so the Dr thought it was). He said probably from perspiring a lot. Well, I am sweating more and more with my workouts at home. So if I had to get something, I guess that's a good thing to get (for a good reason that is). Just so you won't have your own "freak out" let me share with you what my symptom was .... I had what looked like hickeys on parts of my body that I KNEW that I didn't have a hickey on. Now if you, or your dear spouse should get them, imagine the freak out that COULD happen if you didn't know that it can be a symptom of a skin fungus. Who knew?

Freaking Out

It's been two weeks since I last weighed in (due to Memorial Day holiday). I was hopeful for a loss and thought that a couple of pounds would be a great pleasure. Imagine my surprise when my leader smiled a big smile and told me I was about to freak out, but that it would be a good freak out.

I know HOW to freak out. I've done it many a time, mostly for "not so good" things. I can exhibit a good "Woo Hoo" freak out, if need be. Well, I was blown away when she told me I had lost 5.4 pounds!

Wow! The rest didn't even register to me (I was busy freaking out). She told me that I had hit the "25 pounds lost" mark (actually exceeded it) and that I am very close to having lost 10% of my starting weight.

Weight Watchers awards charms for different milestones. I received my first one tonight for losing 25 pounds. I'm so very happy! I am feeling wonderful. I am feeling "thin" (even though I have a long way to go still). It's amazing! If I look at each day (I've been through) it has been hard, but when I glance back and see where I am at NOW, I have to say it's been incredibly easy! It has been God at work inside of me and the evidence is showing on the outside. To HIM and HIM alone goes all the praise and glory for what HE has done in me.

Yippee

Made it to the 20 pounds lost mark! You are given an "I LOST 10 POUNDS" ribbon from Weight Watchers for every ten you lose. Little rewards motivate me : )

Every week at our WW meeting, our fearless leader, asks what we want to brag about whether it be a food victory or anything else. I think of at least one thing to share every week (whether the scale goes down or not). It's amazing to me the "little" and "big" changes I've been making already.

One area that seems to trip me up is the weekend. Before I know it, it's here and we are "off schedule," and life seems a bit "out of control." I am thankful for the Monday night weigh-ins to get my mind back to task.

"FOCUS" is my motto. Life keeps getting in the way, and off I go on a tangent. Lately, I've been working on decluttering instead of eating when I've felt that old familiar restlessness deep inside.

Changing Thoughts

Ookie ... the feeling you had before walking into a Weight Watcher's meeting ...

This was the topic for one of our discussions at a weekly meeting. No matter what our history is, we all had at least one "ookie" moment (and often countless others).

One of my ookie moments was when my best friend from school asked me to be her matron of honor. I was at my heaviest (at that time) weight and I was very self conscience about it.

Another ookie moment was realizing that I may need to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane.

We're not to dwell in the ookiness ... but were challenged to turn our thoughts to what we're dreaming about or looking forward to. What do we want to do (that we couldn't or THOUGHT we couldn't do with the extra weight on).

I am looking forward to being able to shop in "regular" clothing stores (and "regular" sized departments).

I am looking forward to being more active ... being able to keep up with my grandchildren!

I am looking forward to a whole new wardrobe !!

I am looking forward to not hiding from the camera (and having a family portrait done !! ) AND sending a photo with our Christmas cards !!

I'd like to participate ..... (do I dare say it?!) ... in a 5K event.

Still on track

Quick update

Weight loss to date 18.8 pounds. I've been inching my way to the 20 pound mark (some weeks I've gained a little, some lost a little and other maintained).

I'm still riding the exercise bike 4-5 days a week, using resistance bands and a dumbell for working out my arms and upper body and have added a daily walk too. I'm EXTREMELY grateful to my daughter and husband who are walking everyday with me. We are doing this as a team (the walking) and it's been so good for all of us!

Have marked improvement in my sleep!! I'm taking a medication to help make me drowsy (but a very low dose) and am going TO bed much, much earlier than I have for the past couple of years. Getting more sleep has done WONDERS for my life (mood, outlook, energy, quality, etc ...)

To God be the glory for what HE has done in me !!

p/s I'm not up all night anymore, so I'm not on the computer for as long as I used to be. I"m busy living my life : )